Sleep Training a 5-Year-Old (Without Crying It Out): 7 Myths I Hear All the Time (Bristol, Bath & Somerset)

Sleep training a 5-year-old: can it be done?

If you’re reading this in Bristol, Bath or somewhere in Somerset, and bedtime has turned into 60–90 minutes of negotiation, tears, repeated requests, or you lying next to your child until they finally drop off… I see you.

I’m Kath, a sleep coach (and a Certified Sleep Nanny® Partner), and I want you to know something important right up front: yes, you absolutely can support a 5-year-old’s sleep.

And no, you don’t have to do anything that feels harsh, scary, or misaligned with your values.

A lot of parents come to me believing they’ve “missed the window” because they didn’t do sleep training in babyhood. Others worry that if they try to change anything now, it will mean shutting the door and leaving their child to cry. Those beliefs are incredibly common… and they’re also myths.

In this blog, I’m going to walk you through the seven biggest myths I hear about sleep support for children around age five, and what actually works instead.

First: what does “sleep training” even mean?

The phrase sleep training is used in so many different ways that it’s no wonder parents feel confused.

When I talk about sleep coaching, I’m not talking about forcing a child to “give in” or cope alone.

I’m talking about:

- Understanding your child’s starting point

- Looking at routines and rhythms

- Setting loving, predictable boundaries

- Building confidence and emotional safety

- Supporting nervous system regulation

- Working with your child rather than against them

At five, children have more language, more understanding, and more ability to participate. That’s actually a huge advantage.

Now, let’s bust the myths.

Myth 1: “If we didn’t do it as a baby, it’s too late.”

It’s not too late. Children are learning all the time—just like adults.

Sleep is a skill set, and skills can be supported at any age. In fact, with a five-year-old, we can often make progress faster because they can: - Understand simple explanations - Help choose a plan - Feel proud of their progress - Respond well to visual supports and rewards

If you’ve been feeling guilty that you didn’t “fix this earlier,” I want you to let that go. You haven’t failed. You’re here now, and that’s what matters.

Myth 2: “Sleep training means leaving them to cry alone.”

This is the biggest one.

Gentle sleep support does not require leaving your child in distress. Many parents (especially with an anxious or sensitive child) feel deeply uncomfortable with approaches that involve closing the door and refusing to respond.

Instead, we focus on helping your child feel: - Safe - Secure - Supported - Capable

A powerful shift at this age is teaching the idea of rest. Your child doesn’t have to “try to sleep.” They can simply rest their body, breathe, and let sleep come.

And if your child is panicking, highly anxious, or escalated at bedtime, there are responsive ways to support them while still moving toward more independent sleep.

Myth 3: “They wake up because they’re being naughty or manipulative.”

I’m going to say this clearly: bedtime behaviour is communication.

At five, children are still developing emotional regulation. Their brains are still learning how to manage big feelings.

Common drivers behind bedtime battles and night waking include: - Anxiety or worries (often after starting school) - Overtiredness - Habit loops (e.g., needing you there to fall asleep) - Inconsistent boundaries - Separation worries - Scary dreams or nightmares

None of that is “naughty.” It’s your child showing you they need support.

The goal isn’t to “win” bedtime. The goal is to align with your child so bedtime becomes calmer, kinder, and more predictable.

Myth 4: “A later bedtime will fix it.”

This one catches so many families out.

Yes, bedtimes can shift slightly later as children get older. But sleep needs don’t dramatically change between ages three and ten.

For many five-year-olds, we’re still aiming for roughly 10–11 hours overnight.

When bedtime creeps later and later, what often happens is: - Cortisol rises - Overtiredness increases - Emotions become bigger - Settling becomes harder

Sometimes a later bedtime makes a child fall asleep faster, but that can be a “crash,” not a healthy rhythm.

If you’re stuck in a pattern of pushing bedtime later because they’re “messing about,” it’s worth looking at the bigger picture: are they actually overtired?

Myth 5: “If they nap or rest, they won’t sleep at night.”

Most five-year-olds aren’t napping regularly, but some still do—especially after a busy day.

If your child falls asleep in the car or on the sofa, that’s usually a sign their body needed it.

A short nap (say 20–30 minutes) earlier in the afternoon is unlikely to ruin nighttime sleep.

What we do want to watch for is: - Long naps late in the day - Daily after-school crashes that suggest chronic sleep debt

If it’s happening most days, it’s a clue to review their 24-hour sleep and routine.

Myth 6: “They need me in the room to feel safe.”

This is incredibly common, and it makes sense.

Your child may feel like they need you there to fall asleep. But that doesn’t mean they truly can’t be safe without you.

We can gently rewrite that story.

Here are a few ways I support families with this:

- Connection before bed: fill their cup with calm, focused time

- Comfort objects: yes, still absolutely fine at five

- A consistent script: repeatable phrases that feel safe and predictable

- Follow-through: if you promise something in the morning, make it happen

- Gradual change: we don’t go from lying next to them to disappearing overnight

Gentle methods like the “chair method” or timed check-ins can be appropriate at this age,but the right approach depends on your child’s temperament and what’s been happening so far.

Myth 7: “Rewards and bribery will backfire.”

Rewards don’t have to mean bribery.

At five, many children respond brilliantly to:

- Visual charts

- Stickers

- Small, achievable goals

- Celebrating progress

Habits often take a couple of weeks to settle, so rewards can be a short-term boost to help new pathways form.

A key tip: choose time-based rewards where possible.

For example:

- Choosing a game to play with you

- Picking the bedtime story

- A special breakfast together

Make it achievable. The goal is confidence—not perfection.

What actually works for 5-year-old sleep

Here’s the foundation I come back to again and again:

1.       Identify your child’s starting point (what’s happening at bedtime and overnight?)

2.       Look at the whole routine (sleep pressure, timing, connection, boundaries)

3.       Talk to your child (they’re old enough to have input and feel heard)

4.       Align with them (reduce battles by creating a united plan)

5.       Use gentle, gradual steps (confidence grows through success)

Your five-year-old’s sleep is not broken.

And you haven’t missed the window.

When to get extra support

If bedtime is taking over your evenings, or you’re feeling trapped in a cycle of:

- Lying with them for ages

- Multiple wake-ups

- Bed-hopping

- Anxiety at bedtime

- Exhaustion and resentment (which is so normal)

…that’s exactly when support can make a huge difference.

For evidence-based guidance on children’s sleep needs by age, you might find this helpful: NHS: How much sleep do children need? https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/sleep-and-tiredness/how-much-sleep-do-kids-need/

Book a call with me (Bristol, Bath & Somerset)

If you’re a parent in Bristol, Bath or Somerset and you want a gentle, practical plan that fits your child (and your parenting style), I’d love to help or wordlwide virtually.

Book a call with me, Kath, and we’ll talk through what’s happening, what’s driving it, and what your next best steps are.

Book your call here: https://sleepeasyconsult.com